The Circumcision Crisis
by IchBinAufKurs
Summary: "Not I." Said the catcher in the rye. #bunny


**Action is the Anecdote.**

* * *

"Tom, I am standing outside what appears to be a fort built by some Elementary School students who are outraged by the AAP's recent report regarding circumcision. When asked about their outrage, they had this to say."

"Uhh.. gee.. let's see.." Cartman said sarcastically. "How about the fact that I don't want part of my dick chopped off?!" He said a little more furiously.

"Well, I'm circumcised. I don't know what the big deal is." Craig said.

"Well," Butters said rather smugly, "I like my uncut wiener." He smiled, feeling superior than him.

There was a small pause before Kyle pitched in.

"I know what you mean, Craig. I was circumcised too. But what we're fighting for isn't to end circumcision, it's to have the freedom to choose for ourselves if we want to get circumcised or not. If someone wanted to become sexually active, they should have the freedom to enjoy it the way nature intended it to be, to its fullest. If they like the way the circumcised penis looks, they can choose to have the procedure done, it's as simple as that."

"That's right, it's apparently not just for Jews anymore, it's for those who want to take away gender equality or for those who are completely misinformed in the matter. It's no doubt that some parents will want to jump on board and circumcise their children as soon as possible. Back to you, Tom."

* * *

"Hey Kenny, did you see that? We were on TV!" Cartman said enthusiastically.

A big group of kids from school were all gathered around the small TV inside the fort they'd built and they were all butt-naked.

Cartman turned over to look at Kenny and noticed that he was circumcised.

"Kenny, what the fuck?"

"I thought you said I could come." Kenny said, his voice being muffled by his jacket.

"Well, I thought you poor. How was your family able to afford a circumcision?!"

"The medicaid paid for it."

"What?! The insurance paid for it?! Oh, oh it's on!"

Cartman saw some more people joining the 'Uncut Wiener Party' and stopped by to greet them.

"Clyde, how nice of you to join us. Listen, just between you and me, I just want you to know that your presence here is seriously appreciated. Once the girls find out you're on our team, they'll be quick to join us, I assure you."

"Isn't it supposed to be about freedom of choice and not about appearance?"

"Well, yeah, but we need to use every sneaky tactic we can, it's all for the cause Clyde, I'm sure you understand."

"Yeah, whatever. Anyways, my mom bought these, so I just thought I'd share."

Cartman uncovered the tinfoil covered food Clyde had brought and saw a bunch of 'pigs in a blanket'.

"That's nice, Clyde. Really nice." Cartman said.

He then noticed some more people coming in and stopped by to greet them too.

"Token, good to see you!"

* * *

"Randy, you have got to do something about this."

"I don't know, Sharon, I kind of agree with the boys."

"What if what the AAP's saying is true?"

"Have you seen where they're getting their studies from? They're getting them from studies in Africa where people don't have access to clean water, so they can't shower properly. Europe's studies are more accurate, if you ask me. But even if those studies were true, condoms are more effective than circumcisions at stopping STDs. And besides, circumcision reduces sexual pleasure. I mean, think about it Sharon, how would you like it if someone cut off your clitoris before you could even say no? Speaking of which, did you know Female Genital Mutilation is forbidden by law? Where's the gender equality there? All in all, it's Stanley's body, so I think it should be his choice."

"What about the other kids at school? Maybe they'll make fun of him for being left intact."

"You mean they'll make fun of him for having his body the way thousands of years of evolution intended it to be? I don't know about you, Sharon, but last time I checked people hate the way surgical procedures look."

"Which parents do you think are gonna have their sons go through with it?"

"Well, I don't know. But if I had to guess, I'd say-"

* * *

"Butters? You can stay there all night, mister, but there's no getting out of it. We're only doing this because we love you."

"Ooh, gally, ooh Jesus."

"Nngh! What if my parents are out there too?" Twitch said, freaking out.

"Token?" they heard over the megaphone.

"I don't wanna hear this." Token said, covering his ears with his hands.

"Gentlemen," Cartman began, "lets give these brave men a moment of silence on their last night as real men."

"Cartman, you've got to help me! What should I do?" Butters exclaimed.

"I'm afraid all we can do is tell them how pissed off we are, if they don't wanna listen there's nothing we can do about that."

"But I've helped you so many times before, there's gotta be something you can do."

"Well, I guess you're right. Butters, Token, free to use these rooms as you like." He said, signaling them to two small rooms they'd built in case something like this happened.

Both Token and Butters walked into separate rooms. The rooms were relatively small. They only had a desk for them to sit on and a picture of a girl from a magazine plastered to the wall.

Butters was lucky enough to have one of Kim Kardashian's latest scandal where nudes got leaked to the internet. He felt himself grow erect and noticed that some of his foreskin was being pulled back. Curiosity got the best of him and he started to pull the rest of it back, revealing his head.

He heard the curtain of the room being pulled open as he saw Kenny walk in.

"Oh, hey Kenny. I didn't know the skin on my wiener could get pulled back, we-well ain't that the darnest thing?" he asked as he started going faster. "We-well, it's actually kind of fun." he said, bringing a smile to his face.

Kenny saw some vulnerability in his naïvety. He pulled up his hoodie and tried to show Butters that it really wasn't that bad, but he still wished he had his foreskin.

Butters felt Kenny take hold of his length, feeling him pull his foreskin up and down.

He leaned into Butter's face, giving him an eskimo kiss.

Butters blushed as he saw Kenny take off his gloves and start to undo his hoodie, seeing his face for the first time. He had beautiful blond hair and soft pink lips, which he felt against his.

As they broke the kiss, Kenny whispered, "If this is gonna be your last night whole, then you should enjoy it."

* * *

Once at the hospital, Butters braved up. They sat in the waiting room, waiting for them to be called in.

"Dad, did they do this to your wiener too?"

"No, son."

"Wh- Well, why not?"

"My immoral days are behind me."

"I promise to be loyal, dad. I won't be like the rest of the kids!" he begged.

His father couldn't help but pity his son. He thought back to when he thought he would be loyal too, but temptation got the best of him.

"I'm sorry son, but this is the way it has to be."

He felt the cold air and the metal surroundings, making him feel uncomfortable.

"Leopold Stotch?" They heard the nurse call his name.

They followed her to an all-white room where the doctor was already waiting for them.

Trying to make the situation less awkward, he said, "You know, it's a good thing you're getting this done at your age. If you were an infant we wouldn't be able to use sedatives due to medical reasons, but we can now that you're a bit older."

Butters saw the circumcision tools and started to freak out. He started to associate last night's experience to his foreskin. None of it would've happened if it wasn't for it. "I changed my mind!" he yelled, "I don't wanna do this! I love my foreskin!"

"I thought he had given his consent." The doctor said. "I'm afraid I can't do the procedure unless he wants us to."

"Oh, so we can circumcise infants, but not if they can speak up for themselves? What kind of sick joke is this?!"

Butters was a little relieved, even though he knew he would most likely be grounded for a long time.

* * *

Kenny was waiting for Butters at the school entrance. He saw his bus arrive and saw him getting off. He waved at him as he got closer to the school.

"How did it go?" he asked.

Butters simply smiled and gave him an eskimo kiss.


End file.
